Today, I had to walk through a dodgy part of town at night, and passed a prostitute. I’m a rugby player and I was wearing my jersey, she asked “Hey big boy, you play sports?” I didn’t want any part of her, but wanting to be polite, I responded “Yeah, I play for my university rugby team, I’m the hooker.” After realizing what I just said, I awkwardly walked away. MLIA.

Today, while working at my job as the keeper for the lorikeet exhibit at the zoo, I got very bored and began singing to myself. The second I did, 5 birds flew to me and landed across my arms. The little girl who saw this immediately ran to her mom and yelled “You SEE?? Snow White IS real!!!” and pointed at me. Best moment of my life. MLIA

Today, I asked my girlfriend of three years to marry me. She said no. Feeling hurt and confused I nodded and got up from kneeling, only to see her get down on her knee and propose to me with a ring-pop. I accepted. MLIA

Today I cut my leg on a chair at school and got blood on my pants. At least six of my friends came up to me and told me seriously that I had gotten my period, and one gave me a tampon. I’m a 15 year old guy… who goes to an all guys school… who is still wondering where Bobby got that tampon. MLIA.

Today, my friend was talking about a calculator he wanted. He couldn’t think of the word “calculator”, though, so he said, “I want one of those black things that does stuff for me.” Almost immediately, a shy kid in the back says, “What? A slave?” I still haven’t calmed down. MLIA

Today, some men whistled at me when I walked down the street. I’m a male. I felt pretty. MLIA

Today, a really attractive guy was working out in front of me on the treadmills at the gym. I used him as motivation to run faster, visualizing that I could reach him if I ran fast enough. He kept turning around to look at me. At first I was flattered but then I realized it was because I had been muttering “my precious” creepily under my breath. MLIA.

Today, my math teacher slipped and fell on the floor. Twice. The second time, the entire class stood up and burst into applause. As my teacher stood up, he said: “Thank you for giving me a standing ovation as I went down.” The vice principal walked in just in time and added, “that’s what she said.” MLIA

Today, in class, my teacher was taking attendance when he threw me one of my tops, telling me that I forgot it the night before. The entire class was speechless. Little did they know, the teacher is my half brother and last night was the end of my weekend at Mom’s. MLIA.

Today, I was in my dorm bathroom and someone had written ‘Pirates Rock!’ on the wall. I thought it was kind of funny. Then someone turned off the lights and I realized someone else had written ‘Ninjas are better’ in glow in the dark ink over top. So. Much. Win. MLIA